I am familiar with this. I was on maternity leave, all day with the kids. Sometimes out with friends and with my grandmother, from time to time. Most days we had a full program and the time passed very quickly. But sometimes it dawned on me - I had plenty of time and was able to ponder about anything and everything. For instance, that I have the same education as my husband after all, but “he is building his career and I have to be at home”, “where has he been for so long and when is he coming home so that he can help me, already” and the like. As soon as he appeared in the door, I immediately let loose everything that was bothering me. It often ended in a misunderstanding and we mainly never resolved anything in that time. I saw how my husband would just shut down and wouldn’t even notice me. My reaction was then to be irritated and we ended up blaming each other.
I think that it is a common scenario in many families and relationships. Everything started to make sense as soon as I started to work, as well. A person simply needs some time after they come home. A little bit of time to exhale and to play over some work-related thoughts and stress at home. Some people need some time to sleep. Some to read over the news. Some need to just stare at the wall while some need to exercise or play with the kids or just drink some tea. The main thing I learned is that if I want to deal with something, I can't do it the second after my partner gets home. The best is when we set something up in advance, saying exactly when we will discuss something specific. It is appropriate to find the correct timing and atmosphere, so that we can increase the hope of reaching a mutual agreement. It is not ideal to deal with something while your partner is currently watching the TV. I learned to get to the point while in a discussion, as well as to speak openly, shortly if possible, to not raise my voice and to soften my emotions. It can be very difficult sometimes, but when a person wants to achieve at something, they have to try at home, too. Try to arrange things in a way that both partners are satisfied, assuming it’s possible.
And what women shouldn’t do and what they should do? They shouldn’t repeatedly threaten or exploit something, that they aren’t going to do either way, when their variation doesn’t win. Like maybe an immediate divorce. The man will then no longer take her serious.
One friend of mind got up and stood in front of the television, to force her husband to look at her, to listen to her and to not watch football. She wanted to share something fundamental with him. She thought that he was listening to her when he leaned to the side to get a better look at the screen and yelled: “.... look, look at him go!” It was pointless:-)
Subscribe
